Shimura Ken
Father, it's been a while.
Father, I have something to tell you today.
I think it's time to begin.
I will become the character I was created to be.
It's time to restore the Kodokan Dojo you left us, Father.
Sorry to make you wait 260 episodes.
It's not that I forgot my character.
And I wasn't tired of the role.
I had to save up money first.
I promise to make the dojo better than when you were still around.
Please support me.
Oh?
Are you Otae-chan?
The Sound of a Beam Can Pierce Every Heart
Kodokan Dojo
What?! You want to recruit new students?!
S-Sis, I thought you forgot the original purpose of your character!
Weren't you going to focus on your night dojo?
Please, do I really look like such a heartless woman?
Do your best and let nature take its course.
I went to Tsudaya the other day,
and I received a signal that it was time.
It's because you rewatched volume 2 of the DVDs and remembered!
I acquired a fair amount of money in episode 200,
so I think now is the ideal time.
What are you babbling about?
Nobody's gonna pay money to learn how to use a sword these days.
The age of using swords has ended.
It's now the age of much younger wives using Kato-chan.
When did we start talking about Kato-chan and Ken-chan?!
Kids don't dream about becoming samurai or ninja anymore.
They want to become Kato-chan's wife or part of
a backup band working up to becoming an idol.
My Future Dream: Backup Band
We don't live in an age of evil conspiracies!
That's why this dojo is needed.
A part of ancient Japanese culture is fading away.
It's our duty to protect it by passing this knowledge to the next generation.
But do you even know what a kendo glove smells like?
Those things should get a new job as the straw used to wrap natto.
And in anime, the mask makes it impossible to tell who it is.
And when people thrust,
you'd think they were striking to kill.
Isn't it our duty to end that practice with our generation?
Are you really a swordsman?
It's true that there are aspects that no longer apply,
so I believe it's important to evolve and adapt certain practices
while maintaining the tradition.
The school of Tendo Mushin needs a slight renewal.
Renewal?
Yes.
To the school of Tendo Mushin beam sabers!
Tendo Mushin Beam Sabers
What happened to tradition?!
But beam sabers will resonate with kids, and maybe with the Amanto.
Uh, that's not the issue here.
And who's going to teach them how to use beam sabers?
That's all worked out already.
Huh?
I've found the perfect person.
He knows the School of Tendo Mushin and he can use beam sabers.
Huh?
You'll be so surprised, Shin-chan.
Hey, long time no see.
You've gotten pretty big, Shin-bo!
Ha—
Hajime-nii!
Whoa!
You've gotten pretty strong, too!
Hajime-nii, you're alive!
That's great! Just great!
Huh? A former instructor?
Yes, this was back when our dojo was busy.
The name's Obi Hajime!
Obi Hajime
If that's a pain to say, call me Obi-one!
Obi Hajime Obi-one
No, that would be an even bigger pain.
Sounds like you've been taking care of Otae-chan
and Shin-bo while I was gone.
Let me express my gratitude.
Thank you very hamnida!
Thank you? Hamnida? So which country are you from?
Obi-one-niisama has been wandering around space for a long time,
so he's picked up some words from different planets.
Soz for being so hard to understand!
Uh, how do you pick up a word like "soz" from space?
Gin-san, Hajime-nii is really amazing.
He became an instructor at our dojo at a young age,
and his skill was known around Edo!
Once his talent was recognized,
he was chosen to study abroad and took off into space.
But the teleportation device at the terminal
exploded while he was there,
so we thought he would never return.
When the device blew up,
I was miraculously teleported to a planet way out there.
While there, I figured I might as well learn how they used swords,
but before I knew it, I was the strongest one around.
I would then move on to the next planet, and so on,
until people started calling me Galaxy Sword Master.
Galaxy Sword Master
People stopped challenging me.
It got boring, so I came back to Edo.
Wow! Galaxy Sword Master!
You're awesome, Hajime-nii!
Nah, I'm still nothing compared to your old man.
Hey, what's a Galaxy Sword Master?
His character is dumb and his title is dumb.
He was one strong samurai.
I never thought the dojo would shut down.
Shin-bo, Otae-chan...
Soz for not being here to help when you needed me.
If I can help you with the beam saber that I mastered out in space,
I'll do whatever you ask!
I'm getting excited!
Watch it!
Let's work together to revive your old man's dojo!
And we'll make Kodokan the number one dojo in the universe!
Hip, hip, hooray!
Weren't we reviving it?
Hey, hey! Come on down! Have a looksee!
School of Tendo Mushin Beam Saber
We're starting up a new school in Edo!
The School of Tendo Mushin Beam Saber!
We're moving into the age of beams!
You can do anything with beams!
Remove the wrinkles and moles from your face!
Pierce the heart of your favorite girl!
Let's beam it up together!
Uh, so why are we beaming it up with you?
This is bad, Gintoki-dono!
Nobody's stopping!
Uh, why are you telling me this?
How 'bout it? Let's spar a little to show them
what beam sabers are about!
Wait, I've never used a beam saber before and I don't want to.
How can you say that when you're
going to be a founder of the School of Beam Saber?
What?
Don't play dumb. You and Otae-chan have this going on, right?
What's that supposed to mean?
I've never seen that gesture before!
And this guy's shooting beams out of his pinky?!
You know what I mean.
You've been sticking your beam inside Otae-chan's...
Please stop it, Obi-one-niisama.
We have no such relationship.
That's the Otae-chan I remember.
You've already mastered the art of the beam saber.
You mean she's mastered how to jam it in your ass!
No kidding. You're the one who doesn't understand, Hajime-nii.
Sis wouldn't want to hear her first love say...
Wait, so he's her first love?
He's her first love?
Seriously? That's what the boss lady likes?
Keep your mouth shut! Want me to slaughter you?!
Uh, excuse me.
We want to join
the School of Beam Saber!
As if we wanted these freaks!
If it's that awesome, Kyubei-kun, I'd love to try this, uh...
What was it called, Kondo-kun? Beachy Diarrhea?
No, that's not it.
Wasn't it Beach Sandal, Kyubei-kun?
Wait, when did they become friends?!
The stalkers have teamed up because her first love is here!
But before we join, we'll need a demonstration
to see how awesome this really is.
That's right.
Would you be willing to spar with us first?
Sure, I'd love to do that.
I can't wait!
It's been years since I fought a samurai!
They're not fighting like samurai!
Die!
Way to blurt out your intent!
That's no good, you two.
If you fire those in the middle of town, people will die.
Huh? What about me?
I'm just fine.
Though, I'm only half human now.
Kenofi, Kenofi, come in, come in!
No good. He's not responding.
He's running solo again.
That guy is so much trouble.
Forget about him.
I believe that this planet is his homeland.
Let the man say his farewells.
Whew, we managed to recruit enough students to get started.
Welcome New Students Tendo Mushin Beam Saber
Welcome to the School of Tendo Mushin Beam Saber!
Soz about what happened back there.
You guys were so strong that I couldn't hold myself back.
But this means that we have the seven strongest samurai
to get this school started off.
We're going to make the School of Beam Saber the best there is!
Right, Instructor Sakata?
Sure, Instructor Obi-one.
I can't even be bothered to complain anymore.
Anyway, tonight we celebrate our new beginning!
Do you want beer, Hajime-nii?
Nah, give me some shochu with gasoline!
Please, Obi-one-niisama. You're such a joker.
Uh, excuse me, Instructor Obi-one.
I have a question.
What's up?
I now understand how amazing beam sabers are.
The thing is...
Even if we train under the School of Beam Saber,
I don't see how we can learn to do that.
Don't worry.
It's easy once you've learned the trick.
Right, Instructor Sakata?
Sure, you know how one day, you take the
training wheels off your bike, and suddenly you can ride it?
It's just like that.
Wait, I'm positive that you can't do that stuff, Instructor Sakata!
You still need your training wheels!
Honestly, I don't see how a human could ever pull that off.
And that mechanical arm...
You said that you were only half human.
What did you mean by that?
You think there's something special about this arm?
This is just a mechanical arm to replace the one I lost in the accident.
That's not nice, Kyubei.
You shouldn't start accusing people because they beat you.
It takes strength to admit your weaknesses.
Now you have to write the word "jobber" a hundred times before tomorrow.
And you have to write the word "moron" a hundred times.
How do you spell that?
Like this, Instructor!
Gintoki
If you don't trust me, I'll show you my body.
I meant exactly what I said back there.
After wandering around the galaxy,
half my body is no longer that of an Earthling.
The other half hasn't forgotten the spirit of Edo.
What do you think?
Don't you mean you're half Edo and half robot?!
That's what I said.
The beam saber didn't come from my right arm.
It came from the mechanical right side of my body.
What the hell?!
Huh?!
What's going on?!
What happened to your body, Hajime-nii?!
O-Obi-one-niisama...
What? You didn't realize that I was a cyborg?
Man, you guys don't pay attention!
Right, Instructor Sakata?
Huh? What?
Gintoki Gintoki Gintoki Gintoki Gin
We're having hamburger steak tomorrow. Really?
Cyborg! This guy's piss drunk!
You're a cyborg, Hajime-nii?
Yeah. You see, when I was caught in the explosion,
the right half of my body was mortally damaged.
I'm embarrassed to admit that, well...
I already died once.
Wh-What?!
We'll make him half that.
Y-You already died once?!
And half this.
Th-That means...
Luckily, the technology on the planet was advanced enough
that they could revive me by mechanizing half my body.
I would become the strongest swordsman in the galaxy.
I returned from hell to achieve the dream that had once... died...
Hajime-nii!
Hey! Did he go back to hell already?!
Hajime-nii!
Pull it together!
What's wrong?!
Give me shochu with gasoline!
Oh, no, I thought he was joking.
I'll go buy some gasoline, so Shin-chan,
take him to the bedroom!
S-Sis!
Otae-san!
Gengai-san, how does he look?
Unfortunately, the problem isn't that he's out of gasoline.
Who fed him this junk?
This matter doesn't exist on Earth.
As far as I know, nothing like this has been discovered in the universe yet.
That's boss lady's...
He must have eaten something bad out in space.
Obi-one-niisama is such a slob.
Whatever. I got him to spit up the junk,
so give him some shochu with gasoline.
That's the only thing his body can take.
U-Uh, Gengai-san!
Is Hajime-nii...
His human heart has stopped beating.
All life-sustaining operations are performed by the right side of his body.
In other words, the machine is keeping him alive.
I thought he was finally back.
This is terrible.
He can't live without that machine... That's just...
Shin-chan...
No matter how much he changes,
he'll still be the same person.
And you can't let him see that look on your face.
Have you forgotten the promise we made?
Geez, how many times do I have to tell you?!
Whether you're swinging your sword or doing anything else,
you must maintain your form!
Pretend that there's a rod sticking through your body,
and you can only move by rotating around that rod!
I don't understand, Sis!
There's no rod in my body!
Geez, I told you to stop crying!
You're the son of a samurai, Shin-chan!
But...
Don't make excuses!
Those kids are at it again.
Hey! What are you doing?!
Crap, it's the master!
Father!
Help me talk some sense into him.
All Shin-chan does is cry, and he won't stop.
And everybody's laughing at how loud we are.
It's embarrassing.
Both of you are too loud!
You siblings cry all the time.
Why's that? Are you getting paid?
I'll pay you more, then, so laugh!
Ha—
Hajime-nii...
Listen up, you two.
Tears are handy for washing away troubling and sad feelings.
But when you grow up, you'll learn
that there are things so sad, they can never be washed away by tears.
That there are painful memories that should never be washed away.
So people who are truly strong laugh when they want to cry.
They endure all of the pain and sorrow
while laughing with everybody else.
You can cry all you want right now.
But one day, you must become samurai strong enough not to cry.
Oh, so that's why you're always laughing.
I-I want to become strong like you!
Really?
Then stop practicing the sword for today, and start practicing laughing!
More, Otae-chan!
Not good enough, Shin-bo!
Like this!
All three of you are too loud!
Darn, crying won't make this pain go away.
No matter what's happened to him,
we were able to see Obi-one-niisama again.
We were able to see his smile again.
Isn't that
enough?
Sis...
Where did you go?
We've got trouble right now.
Earth may come to an end.
Oh, I don't see a problem
since my life's already over.
My love has come to an end,
so everyone else's lives might as well end.
He clearly wants attention right now.
I sure as hell don't want to listen to him gripe.
It'll just be a waste of time, so let's tell him what's up and get to work.
Lady!
Hey! Where have you been?!
Edo is in big trouble!
We've got big trouble here, too!
I'm disgusted with myself.
I was trying to kill someone that Tae-chan truly cared about.
I'm tainted! I'm the one who deserves to be killed!
Calm down, Lady!
Turn on the TV first!
The human race is about to be killed off!
Don't touch me!
Oh, she noticed.
Machine Hall
Did you call me out here because there's some kind of problem?
Actually, I noticed something when I was checking his body.
I couldn't do anything about it, so I ignored it.
Planet Beam?
They're known for developing interstellar wave beam cannons.
Basically, no other planet could compete with them
at making beam cannons,
but a few days ago,
Earth started a proposal to ban the manufacturing and
exporting of beam cannons because of the danger,
and the proposal seems likely to pass.
Those guys see that as a big thorn in their side.
These people claim to be terrorists,
but I'm guessing that...
It appears that you Earthlings do not
understand how beneficial lasers can be in daily life.
So we've sent a wonderful present to help you understand.
Huh? What did they just say?
The mechanical half of his body contains a time-triggered
interstellar wave beam cannon.
Its targets are the planets of the Alliance.
If the cannon is fired, the rest of the galaxy will declare war on Earth.
To Be Continued
Big Announcement
We have a big announcement about the second movie.
Gintama the Movie ---- In theaters on ----- !!
Next week, the scratched-out areas will be revealed.
Hey, dads. Don't try to spread butter on the screen.
That's not what this is for.
Two Brothers
Next time: Two Brothers.
Planet Beam is threatening Planet Earth,
and Obi Hajime was their advance party!!
The Shimura siblings are unsure about what to do,
but Gintoki has made his choice.